Wednesday, March 17, 2010

sleepwalk life

My sisters and my mom and I went shopping today, and despite my sisters bickering, it was really nice. We had the windows rolled down, and listened to oldies on the radio and my mom told us about her teenage years, which sound so fun and amazing compared to my lame memories of high school. I had these tiny islands of memories that keep me happy, but sometimes they are not enough. I never went to parties out in fields by the ruins of an old mill, or floated in inner tubes in a lake at night handing around a bottle of champagne to my friends. My mom said, "when you're older, you'll have good memories to look back on and talk about." I guess that's true, but I always feel like I'm not living near as much as I should be. During the fall I just wanted to be home, I didn't want to go out to bars, I just felt like sitting around camp fires, drinking coffee and talking. Going on walks. Pointing out constellations. Taking pictures. I don't ask for too much, really. And then there are days when I wish I was brave and could do the things I only think about but never get around to. I need to stop waiting for someone or something to come around and change my life.

This is all disconnected...which reminds me of why I stopped writing so much in the first place. I hope this doesn't come off as me sounding sad, because I'm not, honestly. =] Its just that everyonce in a while I decide that I need to get adventureous and stop being scared, and start living. And then I forget.

1 comment:

  1. ~you are not alone in sharing that it means not that you are sad just trying to sort through...wishing and hoping in moments and then fall back on what is...what is comfort...yet at some point...we should push beyond our own limit...and do as we ever so wish too...because when it does can be so exhilarating and refreshing...your memeories though not the same as another...are YOUR memories...and there will be another who will find them oh so wonderful to listen should write more...sweet words and bits of wisdom...brightest blessings~